It’s been a crazy month! This post is super late, but I’m excited to share so many details with you (I still made my deadline for a December post, score!) Most of you know we left our home church in the month of the December; it was a bittersweet moment, but we know it was a God moment and are so excited to see all that He has in store in our next season. I know God isn’t done with us yet when it comes to Pastoral ministry, but for right now, we are looking forward to a slower pace, enjoying the last few years we have with our teenager as she heads into the last stretch of high school.
On another note, besides working with my husband at our State Farm agency, I took on a second part-time job working remotely with my brother who’s a dermatologist in Florida. I got to spend two weeks training in his office and also got to spend some quality time with my parents over the holidays.
Lastly, we announced our local fertility support group under the umbrella of “Moms in the Making” starting in January. I am so excited about this new venture. I love encouraging women and this is right up my alley! Please continue to keep us in prayer – pray that the Lord would infuse us with creativity and most importantly His anointing to reach these women with the faith and hope only He can provide (click on the “Moms in the Making Chicago” tab for more details).
In spite of all the moving pieces in our lives, December has been one tough month on the fertility front. In all honesty, I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the disappointment of one more year going by without a miracle baby – naturally nor through adoption. I was so certain December was the month – the holidays always have a way of sparking up this supernatural faith and hope for a miracle. So many prophetic messages came out around the end of the year and my spirit was soaring! But then came that dreadful one line.
And now what? I’ve been desperately reading devos, listening to sermons, looking for a way to keep this soul afloat in an effort to finish this year strong. Even after all that, I still come up empty handed. This soul ache still remains. You know what’s even wilder? I have received the most messages, texts, videos, testimonies, and cards from the most well-meaning people relating to God’s desire to give us miracles babies, something I always asked God for to remind me He has not forgotten. Yet somehow, there’s nothing that can shake this heaviness off of my spirit. “What is it Lord? What am I missing? Help me!”
I recently read a blog that challenged its readers to choose a word that challenged them in the New Year. Me being me, I couldn’t just choose ONE word, that’s boring (cue the eye roll). On our plane ride home, I discussed this idea with my husband and as I was speaking, it came to me: “Contentment and appreciation – Lord help me focus on Your faithfulness, not what You haven’t provided.” When I spoke those words, it brought a peace over my spirit I cannot describe. I long to live from a place that believes that the miracle is already done, I am just waiting for its manifestation. I no longer want to live from a place of “IF You’re going to do it Lord”, that’s what throws my emotions into a frenzy. I will continue to pour out my worship, I will continue to spread encouragement, I will continue to believe for other women and their babies, I will continue to pray, I will continue to fast, I will continue to read and believe His Word, I will continue to give thanks, I will live out the message of my life verses:
“Yet I totally trust you to rescue me one more time,
so that I can see once again how good you are while I’m still alive!
Here’s what I’ve learned through it all:
Don’t give up; don’t be impatient;
be entwined as one with the Lord.
Be brave and courageous, and never lose hope.
Yes, keep on waiting—for he will never disappoint you!”
I know it feels as if you cannot do this anymore, because I myself have said these words recently “I’m.almost.done.” But you know the word in that sentence that changes it all? Almost. My faith may have dwindled to the size of a mustard seed (or smaller if that’s possible), but the beauty of that is, that’s all God requires. “Faith is not the absence of doubt,” Pastor Steven Furtick.
Friend, will you take my hand and re-commit to not letting go? Let’s dive into 2018 from a place of contentment and appreciation. It’s already done!
P.S. I have a fun exercise I do on those beautiful mornings or evenings when the sky looks literally hand-painted by God Himself. When I’m driving, I look in the rearview mirror and stare at that sky (not for too long, I promise). I consciously remind myself when looking back, to focus on the beauty of what God has already done and choose to be grateful. He’s been faithful, He will continue to be faithful. Try it sometime (for me it will be a while because all I see is snow and dark skies this winter, pray for me!)